19th October 2011

Don’t ask me ‘Why?’


Ever noticed how, at a certain stage in their development, a child’s favourite word is ‘Why?’  It seems to prefix just about everything they say - ‘Why did he do that? Why can’t I have that? Why does a cake rise? Why do I have to get dressed?’ 

To be on the receiving end of the constant stream of ‘Why?’ is not always easy.  But, as adults we encourage children to ask as many ‘Why?’ questions as they can.  Particularly, because the ‘Why?’ question is so fundamental to our development.  It demonstrates curiosity and a yearning to understand how things work and, assists us as we begin to make meaning of what is happening within us and around us.  ‘Why?’ is often the first word we use to articulate our curiosity about the complex workings of relationship.

In its purest form ‘Why?’ is a fabulous question.  Yet increasingly I notice, for many adults, this tiny three letter word is experienced as threatening, invasive, blaming and combative.  As a result the response to it is one of defence, attack, anger, panic and/or fear.  What’s fascinating is it seems to be happening in any number of contexts i.e. intimate relationships, employer/employee, between friends and colleagues as well as customers and staff members.

The most distressing part - no matter the context, the result is always the same – disconnection!

Read More >

Join the Conversation

What Clients Say

Over the past years I have found Kerry-Lyn's supprt to be invaluable. She has this uncanny knack of homing in on exactly where the healing needs to happen, and in a way that is warm, compassionate, and incredibly human. I know that I would be much furher down the personal growth ladder if it hadn't been for her guidance. - Dr Nerena Ramlakhan, author of 'Tired but Wired'

Working with Kerry-Lyn has been the most unbelievably rewarding experience. Her unique approach has enabled me to develop in so many areas of my life. I would highly recommend you work with her if you want to unlock your potential and get to the bottom of what is holding you back. I feel privileged to work with Kerry-lyn’ - GW – CEO - Telecoms

Working with Kerry-Lyn is a truly brilliant and unique experience. She is warm, positive, focused and highly intuitive. The work with Kerry-Lyn substantially increased my teams' cohesion and effectiveness on the project and I completely recommend her to any organization wanting to uncover what is really going on in their teams and individuals, she's dynamite!. - Katy Appleton - Founder & Director of Appleyoga

Working with Kerry-Lyn has transformed our relationship. With her help and guidance, we have embarked on a journey of continuous discovery, deep connection and consciousness. Kerry-Lyn has given us the tools to be in relationship and we are now truly excited about and fully committed to our future together. - C & M, London

Thank you for teaching me how to communicate in a safe, loving, effective manner. Your facilitation was above and beyond the level of care, genuine concern, unconditional love and professionalism I'd come to expect. - F.K, Australia

Kerry Lyn has an amazing ability to keep us focused and connecting deeply through facilitating our use of the Imago communication framework. She is extremely supportive and engaging in her style and actually gets down on the floor next to you to make it more real if you are getting off track. Kerry Lyn and Imago have opened new doors for us, allowing us to recommit to a lifetime together in a more peaceful way. - Couple 5 years married, UK

Inspirational Reading

This book is littered with helpful tips on how to listen as a way to get things done!